So, in case you missed it, I got married in late July / early August of 2023. I haven’t actually written too much about it publicly, just the bit I wrote here in Yenta.
I haven’t written about the honeymoon at all. It was delightful. Here are the topline ideas about the honeymoon:
- We chose something easy and quiet to balance out the social and crowded week-long wedding festivity.
- We stayed exclusively in old-fashioned bed-and-breakfasts
- First, we went to the village of Gananoque, in Canada. It’s right by the Thousand Islands.
- This has symbolic resonance because we had both been there on a road trip the day before we kissed for the first time.
- We went kayaking, walked around town, and played a ton of Frosthaven.
- Then we went to Stratford. It’s the home of the Stratford Shakespeare Festival, and the subject of a loving parody in Slings and Arrows. Years before we were dating, Sarah suggested I watch the show (it’s fantastic, an office comedy about people who work in a theatre, with the drama to match). It was my secret. “I have a crush on Sarah, let me remind myself by watching this niche TV show only she seems to knows about”.
- The Shakespeare at Stratford was amazing. We even realized, by accident, that Paul Gross, the frontman of Slings and Arrows, was performing as King Lear. Wow!
- Plus our BnB hostess was fantastic.
- Plus lots of Frosthaven.
- And lots of listening to Shakespeare as we drove a car for hours at a time to get to all these places.
- It was delightful. Now you know!
And now, I wrote a longish retrospective that was framed as a set of tips for wedding planning. My wedding (and how to plan a great one).
It’s all on my long-dormant substack.
There’s a lot there, but here are just the topline tips:
- Food trucks! They solve so many problems.
- Understand this: the point of a wedding is to bring your people together and get them to understand why you should be married.
- Your wedding can be a week-long party where you show off your home.
- Community housing can be a key part of the experience.
- We got married outside, at a nature center
- We invested in great music
- Swords! (Invest in people getting to know each other, part 1)
- Secret Missions! (investing in introductions, part 2)
- The point of getting married is to help the world understand the relationship that you already have.
- Emailed (or texted) invitations are fine.
- Have a simple, relaxing, honeymoon
- Dress amazing, not formal
- Wedding rings don’t need to be stressful boring expensive and useless
- Redirect parent energy
- Get married in the early afternoon
- Replace vows with stories
- Children are great! Extra friends are great!
- Paradoxically: treat +1s with care
- Speeches are actually good — but space them out
- Have a special moment with everyone with this one weird trick.
- Don’t sweat the details. Many times, we told people, “if someone asks us what color napkins we want, then we are doing something horribly wrong”.
(Bonus: listen to tradition. Have your wedding on a Sunday.)
And what we learned:
- Plan earlier, and there’s no need to get overwhelmed.
- Use a CRM. Avoid WithJoy.
- You need a day-of captain
- You need an escape route
- Remember to schedule time and energy for thank you notes
Read the whole thing here (with photos!)
Lastly — I’ve been thinking about it, and I’d like to go to more weddings. Please invite me! I am a great guest. Fun dancer, gregarious, make friends with your friends. You won’t regret it.